PROCESSES TO EMPLOY:
Brutal Honesty, I Over E, Present/Understand/Fix, Slowing Down Life’s Pace, Internal Focus, Fact-Finding, Honesty, Slowing Down Life’s Pace, Internal Focus, Patience, Truth Telling, Belief, Listening, Trust, Reduction Of Destination Living, Goal Setting, Living In The Moment, Day-At-A-Time-Living, Boundary Setting, Warm Communication, Settling Past Issues, Risk Taking, Be Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable, Humility, Surrender

The traditional definition of surrender is to give over to the power, control, or possession of another, especially by force. Unfortunately, this is exactly how we tend to view surrender. Many of us have read about surrender in novels, we have been taught about it in school history classes, the generals speak about forcing the enemy to surrender, and we can see it often in the movies we watch. The common theme is unwillingly giving up control to varying degrees to some opposing force.

I am going to offer a very different definition of surrender. This is the one you will use in your recovery program, and it will be essential to start the program and to keep it working for you for the rest of your life. Surrender is letting go of people, places, and things that weigh us down, stagnate us, may cause fear and pain, and hold us back from the necessary changes in our lives. It opens the door to more powerful forces that can restore our lives to peace and sanity and connect us with our higher power. The connection with our higher power paves the way for the potential for limitless thought and action and introduces us to the serenity that is crucial for healthy living.

Conceding To A Force Greater Than Ourselves
Humans are a species still connected to primal drives. It has always been survival of the fittest, and surrender does not seem to have a place in that design. It is important to be seen as powerful, or at least to project that image to others. Not doing so can leave one feeling open and vulnerable. So the way to live is to be powerful, let others know you are, never let down, and never surrender. Surrender has always had a converse relationship with survival. If we include surrender in our life plan, we assume that others perceive us as weak. This archaic design keeps us connected to primal ways of thinking and behaving and stands in the way of the evolution to higher-order thinking and behaving.

Surrender in the traditional framework demands the loss of will and control and, in the end, severely compromises freedom of thought. It assumes that the force we surrender to may usurp all we are and everything we have since that traditional definition calls for giving our power, control, and possessions to another stronger entity. In situations that call for survival such as military skirmishes and battles, conditions related to potential physical harm, and attempts to be controlled by others, the traditional definition you can apply. Surrender as it applies to recovery, demands an entirely different application. In recovery, it is so important to let go of those people, places, and things that weigh us down and connect us to the obsessive-compulsive nature of addiction.

Addiction, by its very nature, does not let go of anything that may interfere with the continued use of the drug or activity of choice. Though addicts are quite adept at discarding people and responsibilities from their lives in favor of their addiction, they do not discard anything that can protect the addiction and keep others from threatening their relationship with it. When you look closely at the definition I have presented about surrender, you will notice that addiction causes addicts to remain with people and things and in places that weigh them down, stagnate them, and hold them back from the changes that are so necessary in their lives. At the same time, the addiction instigates a disconnection from their higher power and that limitless thought and behavior that is so deeply connected to it.

Surrendering To The Power
The traditional design for surrender assumes that we will acquiesce to a power that, in that moment, supersedes our own, will take what we have, and is wrought with negative energy, coercion, and pain. It has no connection to a higher power with positive energy and no potential for growth, higher-order thought, peace, or serenity. It is surrender by force, and they are to be avoided at all costs. Avoiding this kind of surrender is understandable. One is giving up not only possessions but, in many cases, their freedom. As I define it, surrender has nothing to do with negative energy, coercion, and pain. It is letting go of what can cause harm to the addicts and those close to them and embracing a power source that is positive, loving, and peaceful. It is the letting go of what is negative to embrace what is positive.

We often struggle with letting go of one part of our life to embrace the new chapter because we don't know what that new chapter will look like. It is a new territory, one that we have yet to travel. We have a difficult time trusting something we cannot see and touch. It is difficult enough to leave what is familiar to us and invest our intellects and our emotions in something new. Still, when that new territory is undefined, we can feel lost and without direction. This is one of the reasons family members stay in relationships with addicts. Though the new territory may include the potential for growth and happiness, it demands that we leave what we know and pursue something unknown, undefined, and often overwhelming.

The Trust Factor
Embarking on new territory without a guide to help you can make that new venture seem like an obstacle course with all kinds of hidden dangers. Even though the addiction prison could be a painful place to live, you know the terrain, and you know how to deal with every little twist and turn it offers. It is painful, but you understand that pain. You know what to expect and where you fit into the addiction scenario. Taking your first steps into recovery requires a leap of faith, and it most certainly requires trust. You must trust yourself, believe that you are making the right decision, and trust those you enlist to assist you on your journey.

Often, the people we select to help us are people we hardly know. We have chosen them because they have experience or expertise in recovery from addiction, and we need them to guide us into this uncharted territory. However, how often do we trust the people whom we do not know with our lives? How often do we tell strangers our most intimate details, trust that they will keep those details in confidence, and use them to guide us away from the addiction and into a new and healthy way of living?

Without a doubt, recovery has much to do with trust. For many people, this is the first stumbling block following the decision to attempt to leave the addiction. These people we are attempting to trust are telling us the things we don't want to hear, and they are providing us with direction into places we are unsure we want to go. Picture this: you are caught in the proverbial dark alley. In front of you are two menacing creatures who you are sure will either hurt or kill you. Behind you is someone you do not know saying, “Come with me, and I will get you to safety.” In that moment, you can either continue to move forward, which is akin to staying in the addiction, or you can trust the voice you do not know, which is promising safety.

Surrender to a higher power and to those who are helping you will demand trust in that higher power, those people, and the program that they used and are now sharing with you. This is not blind surrender. It is surrendering to life with a new plan surrounded by people who will love and guide you carefully, backed by a program with over a century of success, all under the umbrella of a higher power.

The 7 Steps To Powerful Surrender
These apply to the addict and family members.

1. Understand that the decisions you have been making have not worked for you, that you are willing to allow others to help you, and that you are powerless over the addiction and what it has done to you.
2. Be willing to relinquish the control you think you have over your life and allow others to help direct its course.
3. Follow the advice of the people helping you without attempting to negotiate or alter parts of that advice.
4. Be completely honest with the people who are helping you.
5. Communicate openly. There are times when your recovery program will become difficult for you, or you feel as though you want to quit. Open up about your feelings to those who are trying to help you.
6. Question only when you need clarification. Refrain from getting into debates with people who know more about what is happening to you, the way through it, and into a happy life than you do.
7. Attend all counseling sessions and meetings. Attend them in person if you can. These sessions and meetings are your lifeline to the sober and happy life waiting for you. Embrace what you are hearing in these meetings and counseling sessions, and do your best to follow the advice you are being given